Day 189: Society’s Expectations

If I had my way, the world would not judge someone for breaking out in song or dancing between trees in public parks.  I would be allowed to laugh at my own jokes and have heated debates with my condiments.  Cafeterias would fall silent in anticipation of an old-fashioned rumble and my inner monologue would be the voice of a sassy black woman (okay, that last one is already my reality).

Part of why I love living alone is that as soon as I close that door, every piece of insane that I’ve bottled up during the day gets released in one massive dance party.  I may ask my toaster how its day went, or I might make up a song about whatever snack I’m about to eat.  Sometimes I’ll put my glasses on and just walk around like I own the place.  I’ve been told many times that I say or do things that surprise people (one friend’s words were, “I just thought you were socially retarded.”), but the weird thing is that most of the time I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t think the way I do.  Why is it so wrong to want to abandon the mundane and live life as a capybara?

Curse you, society.  You have forced everyone to forget their childhood imagination and adopt a boring thought process.

Day 188: Lockdown Begins

My first university test is tomorrow morning, so to amp myself up on the walk to school I will have Fever by Adam Lambert on repeat on my ipod.

Day 187: Believe It Or Not…

I have never and will never do drugs.  The closest I ever came was a secondhand high at SunFest a few years ago, and I didn’t even realize what was happening until my friend and I were driving home and we couldn’t stop giggling.

Keeping that in mind…my friends and I had the worst case of the munchies over the last two days.  Rae-Lee and I were snacking on baby crackers after dinner last night before we broke out the chocolate ice cream with whipped cream, and by the end of the night she was triple-dipping strawberries in the whipped cream while we were all chatting in the living room (eventually we cut out the middle man and just ate the Cool Whip right out of the tub).  My favourite moment of the weekend was when Rae-Lee, Cool Whip-covered fork in hand, turned to her horrified fiance and said, “What? It’s low fat!” before shovelling down another two mouthfuls.

This morning welcomed three groggy adults (horrified fiance was still sleeping) with a breakfast wish list any stoner would be proud of.  Between the three of us, we came up with the perfect breakfast buffet:

Cereal
Omelettes
Hashbrowns
Devilled eggs
Fish
Chicken strips
Bacon
Oysters
Burgers
Poutine
Bananas

One day I will make this dream a reality.

Day 186: Death Sled

One thing I loved about growing up in a trailer park was that all of the kids played together, regardless of age, and we would often babysit one another while one or two parents were gone for an afternoon.  Oddly enough, even though it wasn’t uncommon to have a police car rolling through the park once or twice a week, it was the safest place I ever found.

One of my friends lived in Section B (I was a C) and my sister and I would often play with her in the summer.  Then I decided to shake things up one year and I knocked on her door after a big snowfall.  We suited up and spent a couple of hours making snowmen and building snow houses, and then we decided to venture out to her backyard and explore the trees.  Her property was right on the edge of the hill leading in to the park, so when we pushed through the trees we found ourselves standing at the edge of a fairly steep drop.  We both knew that the hill had a thick blanket of prickle bushes covering it, but since there was an even thicker layer of snow topping it off we quickly grabbed our Crazy Carpets and began a journey that would eventually take us 3 winters to perfect.

We doubled up on one Crazy Carpet for the christening ride so the path would be solidified, and it was only when we reached the halfway mark that we realized the err in our judgement.  There was a drop off at the bottom of the hill that led out on the road, and with both of us smooshed on to one sled there was pretty much no way we were going to land pain-free.  Once we collected ourselves off the road, we scampered back up the hill to try again.  We completely wore down the snow within the first hour and were eventually sliding down a wall of prickles and mud, but we were having so much fun we didn’t care that our wrists and ankles were getting torn to pieces.  Our hair got caught in bushes; our snowsuits were turning dark brown from the repeated mud landings; we were covered in bruises from the rough landings…and it’s one of my favourite memories.

Day 185: Tanned Orphans

There are times when I like to think of myself as a total badass, hardened from a life of seein’ things yo mama ain’t never told you about.  My reputation beats me to the door and people silently move out of my way when they see me coming.  A simple raised eyebrow at someone is enough to make them quiver in their high tops.

Then I change the song in my itunes to something more upbeat and I come back to reality.  I remember that the worst thing I experienced in my childhood was not being invited to play in the neighbourhood tree fort by my sister, and the only time I went to bed hungry was when I skipped dinner because I was too busy playing outside with friends.

It’s made me think, though.  Society loves an underdog story; the orphan kid who becomes a basketball superstar, or the pop star who came from a poverty-stricken broken home.  Has there ever been a time when you were considered lower class if you had to fight for success? Back in the day, porcelain skin was a sign of wealth because you clearly didn’t have to work out in the fields all day, and now we have an entire industry based on giving people that sun-kissed look.  Have we also flipped the idea of overcoming struggle from being undesirable to extremely marketable?

Day 184: Laugh Lines

Last night I went to a comedy show at the Waldorf Hotel (the two featured comedians were Ivan Decker and Patrick Maliha) and ended up laughing so hard my stomach cramped up on the drive home.

Ivan has been one of my favourite comedians ever since I first saw him perform at the Comedy Mix two years ago.  His sets range from dry musings to wild flailing, and he tends to rely more on wit than cursing.  I’ve seen him perform the same set several times and enjoyed every one, but last night he was working some new material and it was even better than his previous act.

As for Patrick, I’d only seen him perform once before (also at the Comedy Mix).  He, too, had the entire crowd gasping for air between laughs, but what Ivan lacks in vulgarity Patrick makes up for ten fold.  If you want to take your sweet ol’ mom and dad out for a night of comedy, I would probably skip this guy; however, if you want a rowdy night out with friends he’d be a great choice (plus, he holds the world record for doing the most impressions in under a minute.  If you get a chance, ask him to do Stephen Harper).

The show was filmed for a DVD project several comedians are working on, and the finished product will be sold online at www.thestandupcomedians.com when it goes live in June (yes, they were inspired by Louis C.K’s hue success with his $5 stand-up sales). I will definitely be putting an order in

Day 183: Foresight

…I have none.  Comedy show review to come tomorrow, for now I must sleep.